“A guy and a girl can be just friends but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”—Dave Matthews (via yourwrite)
because my heart was breaking. It still is. After 3+ years, staying by him through all his crazy shit…. after questioning myself “should i stay or should i go?” …..after loving no other—not even feeling attracted to anyone else….. after empty promise after empty promise….. after hours of laughter…. after hours of crying….. inside jokes, movies, adventures, future plans, supporting him…. it’s basically over.
I never asked for much (I’m a very low maintenance girl - no really, Very low maintenance)…. I asked for only a little of him time because he was always busy. I asked for honesty, faithfulness (which he broke), and openness (which he was afraid of). He couldn’t give this to me but still I loved him more than I have loved any man. I was willing to overlook his faults because I believed in him so much! I believed in us…. when we were together we could do anything! And I still do believe in him…. but his belief in us was never as strong as mine. And soon, it turned out, I was in a relationship by myself. That hurt so much. After a while, even when I was with him I was lonely. I tried not to put pressure on him by relying on him for anything, but once in a while I would count on him and it would fall through and it was horrible. I never knew anyone who broke his or her word as much as he did…
I got him too cry for the first time in a decade… I showed him that it was ok. He was the first person I ever considered marrying…. the thought actually didn’t make me nauseous!
I miss him so much… his smell… his crinkly eyes when he smiled…. his voice and taste and lips that I thought could fix every problem in the world…. I especially miss the weight of his arms around me…. holding another person - that tiny act that, in reality, is so big - means so much, give so much comfort. No one can do it like him. And so I mourn us…. the very bright future we could have had. The future you were so afraid to have because your past left you so damaged. You have taken all I can give and I’ve received…… Well, I’ll get back to you when I figure that one out. But I’ve learned not to be blinded by the love I want to give out.
Thats it for now. I love you and I miss you, but I’ve got to mourn. I can’t go through this again with you. I can’t have you shutting down and pushing me away every time you experience something hard in life… It’s too lonely and painful to experience. But I will always love you.
“One way to break out of disillusionment is by deciding to love. Feelings change and aren’t not easily controlled. Love is not only a feeling, it is more than a feeling. Love is a decision. Love is a decision to be open and to share when you don’t feel like it. Love is a decision when you don’t think your spouse deserves your love. Love is a decision means that you are open to honest communication with your spouse. That’s not only talking, but also listening. It is also a decision to be loved. Making the decision to love includes the everyday, little things that you often do for one another, especially when you’re not feeling loving. From the action of deciding to love, often the feeling of love will follow.”—
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, ‘How do I know if I married the right person?’ I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, ‘It depends. Is that your husband?’ In all seriousness,he answered ‘How do you know?’ Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.
Here’s the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love. With your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love…Because it’s happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, ‘I was swept off my feet.’ Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasy, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, ‘Did I marry the right person?’ And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you.
You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression ‘the labor of love.’Because it takes time, effort, and energy, And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable…you can ‘make’ love work.
Love in marriage is indeed a ‘decision’… Not just a feeling.
gives me that happy feeling when reading this quote… but i also wonder isn’t choosing commitment a showing of passion, because commitment/not falling to temptation is usually the more challenging option?
"But there is another, deeper kind of diligence to which the ambitious son-in-law might aspire: the determination to stay tuned to the woman he loves. Sure, the punch-list stuff is easier. Even if we can’t rewire the upstairs, we can find a guy who can.
Our challenge is to keep working when there are no directions, when the way forward is unclear. Sometimes, when emotions fray or dread looms or a man and woman lose track of each other for a time, we retreat into silence or anger. But that’s when it’s most important to summon our attention, our patience, our energy, to dig in.”
“When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them. There’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours. Otherwise, what’s the point? And, for a while, I believed that’s the kind of love I had.”—
In 1912, J. P. Morgan testified before Congress that in investment decisions, trust trumps collateral. “The first thing is character,” he said. “A man I do not trust could not get money from me on all the bonds of Christendom.” (The New Yorker.)
“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me. Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”—
“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend the rest of his life answering. When they were ten he asked her to marry him. When they were eleven he kissed her for the first time. When they were thirteen they got into a fight and for three weeks they didn’t talk. When they were fifteen she showed him the scar on her left breast. Their love was a secret they told no one. He promised her he would never love another girl as long as he lived. What if I die? she asked. Even then, he said.”
“The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.”—The History Boys (via crazyfor-you)