I couldn't help but wonder...
(cue the Carrie Bradshaw blog post)….
I started thinking about the beginning stages of relationships. When they’re new and fresh, relationships are full of exciting dates, romantic evenings and passionate kisses. The honeymoon stage is pure bliss and excitement. But at some point, that all goes out the window. The habits of the relationship are formed; exciting dates are replaced with Chinese take-out, romantic evenings are replaced with evenings full of bickering, passionate kisses are replaced with mundane pecks. I can spot these couples on the street- the couples with the dry, rigamortis grip on each other’s hands, zero real affection, constantly snapping at each other. When I hear a couple arguing over dishtowels, I can’t help but wonder- when does the relationship take a turn from thrilling each other to killing each other?
Looking at the couples around me, I can only come to one conclusion. Relationships that are completely loveless are so messed for lack of trying to make actually the relationship function properly. You really do get what you put in. If you’re half-assing your relationship, it will certainly show. Relationships are easy in the beginning because the claws aren’t out. Both parties want to seem sweet and loving because they don’t yet feel comfortable releasing their inner relationship demons. But when they do… what the hell out.
There’s a point at which both people are so comfortable with each other, they feel they can do or say anything and their partner will still love them. Although I understand this, I also feel that it’s somewhat of a kiss of death for a relationship (at least when you’re in your 20’s). Neither person tries as much as they did in the beginning- putting on that cute outfit is unnecessary for the lady because she’s already snagged herself a man. While this certainly isn’t the case for all couples, it seems to be true for a lot of them. In the start of a relationship, putting in effort isn’t a big deal because it’s such an exciting stage. That wears off and what’s left? An effortless blah of a relationship. The only effort put in most of the time is in the bickering and fighting. Both parties can yell at each other all they want because they’re totally committed to each other.
This is no way to live. Just because there’s a commitment doesn’t mean it’ll last forever. Effort is essential to any relationship, whether it’s just beginning or in its seventh year. A relationship will undoubtedly be more successful if both people try as hard later in the relationship as they did in the beginning. Makes sense, right? Knowing that I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now, I’m going to try to remember all of this when that fateful day comes when I finally use the boyfriend word again.
Good post, and I agree with a lot of it… but I wonder how many people do believe that they can say terrible things to each other because they are committed to each other? That’s awful!
As wonderful as they are relationships are such confusing things, because there are no universal laws - no rules that apply to every relationship - all we have to guide us are instincts and personal desires and possible models that we have observed and learned from (e.g., I like it when people do this, I don’t like it when I see that). Yes, there are societal norms, but again norms serve only as guides and are ever changing. Are the people who bicker all the time happy in their relationships? Even though that’s not what I would ever want, I do accept that they indeed might be… hmm…